Keep Me Where the Light Is (Ghost Adventures)
by Lastweekon
Summary: Zak/Nick Slash. Somewhat Angsty. A lockdown turns dangerous as Zak's provoking gets Nick into trouble.
1. Chapter 1

Nick pressed his body against Zak's, caging him in against the cool metal. Their lips moved together effortlessly as Zak ran his hands up the younger man's back, sending shivers up his spine. He smiled into the kiss, unwilling to separate their lips, knowing that it would be 12 long hours of no physical contact despite being inches apart. Lockdowns could really be torture sometimes. He cupped Zak's face lightly, feeling the movement in his jaw as the kiss continued.

"Oh my God, you guys! Seriously? Some of us are trying to work here." Aaron teased loudly as he came around the side of the van.

"Cock block." Nick muttered with a smile, backing away only slightly from Zak.

"I swear, you two act like you're not about to spend the next 12 hours together." Aaron said, rolling his eyes dramatically.

"Don't you have cameras to set up?" Nick asked, turning his attention back to Zak who still blushed every time they got caught making out before a lockdown. Nick brushed his hand against Zak's rosy cheek with a chuckle. He was pretty sure that was the reason the guys always teased them. Zak is adorable when he's embarrassed. No denying that. Nick leaned in, placing a light kiss on his lips.

"Alright, alright...I can see when I'm not wanted." Aaron joked. He grabbed the remaining camera bags, slinging them over his shoulders before making his way back toward the house.

"We'll be down in a couple minutes." Zak yelled as Aaron disappeared on the other side of the van. He pinched his eyes shut, pressing his face into Nick's shoulder with an embarrassed groan. "I swear, it's like he tries to catch us."

"He does." Nick said with a laugh. "I think he likes to see you squirm. I actually don't mind it either." he said, leaning in for another kiss. Zak let out a disapproving huff before giving in and accepting the kiss.

"We really should get down there though. The sun is getting low and I want to make sure everything's in place." Zak said, hooking his fingers into Nick's belt loops and pulling him a bit closer.

"Yeah, you're probably right." Nick agreed reluctantly. "But before we go down there…just please remember what we talked about."

"I know, Nick. I know." Zak said quickly, wanting to avoid this conversation again.

"No provoking tonight. I mean it, Zak." Nick said firmly. Zak nodded his head obediently. "You heard the interviews. There's some nasty stuff in there- Don't just nod your head at me, _listen_." Zak exhaled sharply, looking Nick in the eyes and placing his hands on his cheeks.

"Nick, I'll be careful. I promise." He said with the most reassuring tone he could muster.

"I want you to be safe. Not just careful." Nick said seriously. "Please, Zak." Zak smiled softly. He'd never stop loving how protective Nick could be.

"I promise you I won't provoke unless it's absolutely necessary." Zak said, getting the frustrated growl he was trying so hard to avoid.

"You're impossible..." Nick said, rubbing his temples.

"I know. I'm sorry." Zak said, wrapping his arms around the younger man's waist. "But I love you for caring." Nick's eyes softened a bit as he looked at Zak, but he kept his lips firm, not ready to give in that easily. "Come on, Nick. Please don't be mad." Zak said, pulling him in closer. "I'm not gonna to be able to concentrate in there if you're mad at me."

"I'm not mad, Zak. I'm just worried. I don't want anything to happen to you." Nick said sincerely.

"I promise I'll be careful." Zak brought his lips up to meet Nick's. "Please don't worry."

"We should get down there." Nick said, stepping out of Zak's embrace and grabbing his bag out of the van. Zak leaned against the van, shoulders slumped and face in a soft pout. Nick hated seeing Zak this way, especially when he knew he was responsible for the sad look on his face. And he definitely couldn't handle 12 hours of that face. He made his way toward the older man, grabbing his hand and threading their fingers together. With a soft smile he pulled him gently in the direction of the house. "You know I'm always going to worry about you. I can't help it." he admitted, bringing Zak's hand up and placing a kiss on his knuckles. "Just like I know you can't help always giving me a _reason_ to worry." he said, pulling a smile from the older man.


	2. Chapter 2

Zak growled in frustration and Nick was feeling his pain. They had been investigating the house for four hours already and all they had to show for it was a pretty hilarious clip of Aaron accidentally walking through a spider web. If all else failed they could just loop that clip for 45 minutes. "This has got to be the most boring lockdown in the history of lockdowns." Zak said, rubbing his eyes with his free hand.

"Yeah, it's definitely quiet in here tonight." Nick agreed.

"I don't understand, all those interviews...and those energy bursts I was getting this afternoon. I really thought we'd be swimming in evidence tonight." He gave in, sitting down to collect his thoughts. "I think we need to regroup. Come up with a new strategy."

"Yeah, you're probably right. I'll radio Aaron to meet us back at base?" Nick offered.

"Sounds good." Zak said, resting his head against the wall.

"Hey Aaron?" Nick called into the walkie talkie "Aaron, are you there?"

"Yeah, I'm here. And bored as hell. What's up?" Aaron answered back.

"We're gonna meet back at base and regroup." Nick said with a chuckle.

"Thank God, dude!" he said happily.

They all sat quietly around the table. Only a few hours into the investigation and they were running out of ideas to draw out whatever supposedly haunted this house. After a long silence, Zak finally chimed in.

"You guys, we _have_ to get some evidence. The network is gonna go nuts with all these production costs. We can't go back with nothing."

"It's not like we can control the paranormal, dude." Aaron chimed in.

"I know, I know…" Zak said, frustrated with the situation. He pressed his thumb and forefinger into his temples. He knew what needed to happen but he wasn't looking forward to the reaction he knew he'd get. "I have an idea." He started in spite of himself.

"No, Zak." Nick said, immediately recognizing the older man's tone.

"I'm not really seeing another choice, Nick. The clock is ticking and we got nothing." Zak said.

"Why don't we try some more EVP burst sessions. We can just go room to room until we come up with something?" Nick offered. They had been trying this tactic all night and so far it hadn't resulted in anything.

"Nick...that hasn't really been working." Zak said, trying his best to reason calmly with the younger man. "I know this isn't ideal but it seems like our best bet right now."

"I don't like it." Nick said sternly.

"I don't either, man. But I'm with Zak. It kind of seems like the only option." Aaron said honestly. Nick exhaled deeply knowing that he was outnumbered.

"Fine. Majority rules." Nick conceded. Zak couldn't believe how easy it had been to convince him. "But there's no reason that it has to be Zak. I'll do it this time." Nick said plainly.

"Nick, no." Zak protested worriedly.

"Why not?" Nick challenged, "Provoking the thing is the only answer, right? So I'll provoke it."

"Not you." Zak said seriously.

"What? You think I can't handle it?" Nick asked, feeling his temper getting the best of him. "This isn't my first rodeo, you know."

"Of course you can handle it." Zak cut in. "You're mentally stronger than any of us. I know you can hold your own." He wanted to reach out and touch Nick's tense hands but they'd promised not to bring their relationship into lockdowns. "I only meant that all the activity we were getting earlier was directed at me. I just feel like I might have a better chance of drawing something out."

"Yeah, dude." Aaron agreed apprehensively "And if you're not totally comfortable with provoking in this situation it's only going to make you more vulnerable." Zak swore he could have kissed Aaron for saying exactly what he had wanted to say. He only hoped that Nick would take it seriously. Nick sighed, turning his eyes toward Zak.

"I'm coming with you. I won't provoke, but you're not going off alone." Nick said, sternly.

"That seems fair." Zak said with an appreciative smile.

"What about me?" Aaron asked.

"I think it's best for you to stay here at base. The less people in the house, the better." Zak said decisively.

"You're not gonna hear me complain about that." Aaron chuckled.

"Ok, let's get those cameras back on and get this over with." Nick said grimly.

"You got it, man." Aaron agreed, making his way to the other side of the room to get the gear in order. Zak approached Nick timidly. He had to know that his head was in the right place before he let him anywhere near the supposed demonic presence in the house.

"Are you okay?" he asked. Nick lifted his gaze, locking eyes with Zak. He was worried, and Zak could tell. He wished they could just call the whole thing off, pack up and go home. But that really wasn't an option at this point. "I'm sorry we have to do this."

"Me too." Nick said seriously. Zak brushed his hand along the tense arms crossed over Nick's chest.

"So serious, babe." He said, smiling weakly.

"This isn't a joke, Zak." Nick said, eyes softer than his tone. "I have a bad feeling about this. I'm worried we're gonna have another Poveglia situation on our hands. I can't watch you go through that again." Zak sighed, remembering how it had felt to be possessed. He had to fight with everything he had to ignore the voices in his mind telling him to do unspeakable things. He said things to Aaron that still make him cringe to this day. But the worst part of all was what he wanted to do to Nick. Every fiber of his being screamed for him to grab Nick by the shoulders and bash his head against the wall. He fought for what felt like years as the anger took over and ate away at him. God only knows how Nick had talked him down and gotten him to leave the building. All these years later and he still has nightmares about that night. He shuddered at the memory fresh in his mind again.

"It's gonna be okay, Nick." he said, placing his hands on the younger man's shoulders. "I'm gonna make sure everything is okay this time." Nick immediately wished he could go back in time and not bring up Poveglia. He knew what a sore subject it was for Zak and he saw the anxiety in his eyes at the mention of it. He pulled Zak in protectively, wrapping his arms around the strong body and holding him close.

"You're right, babe." he said reassuringly "Everything is gonna be fine." He only wished he felt as confident as he sounded.


	3. Chapter 3

They made their way into the house in somber silence. Nick itched to hold Zak's hand. He read the tenseness in his shoulders and wished for the hundredth time that he had never mentioned Poveglia. Zak had been beating himself up over that possession for years. And now at a time when it was so important for him to concentrate and keep his mind sharp, he was distracted. And Nick knew he was responsible for it.

"Zak, you sure you're good?" He asked quietly, desperately needing confirmation.

"I'm okay." Zak said in a tone that wasn't terribly reassuring. "I just need a minute to get my head in the right place." Nick knew that meant Zak wanted him to shut up. And he couldn't blame him. He was the reason for Zak's clouded mind.

"Sorry." He muttered quickly. Zak reached back to grab Nick's hand, giving it a quick squeeze before letting go. Nick released breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. At least Zak wasn't angry with him. He took comfort in knowing that they could go into this situation with a united front.

A few more minutes passed and Nick followed behind Zak as he walked silently from room to room. Nick didn't know whether he was still working to clear his mind or if he was looking for the room with the most negative energy. But he stayed quiet waiting for his cue. Zak walked through the threshold of one of the bedrooms when he suddenly stumbled backward.

"Woah." he said, catching himself on the doorframe. "I just felt something go through me. There is definitely something negative in here. Did you feel that, Nick?" he said, turning to face him.

"I didn't feel anything." Nick said. He wanted to get closer, to take the lead and walk into the bedroom. But Zak was still leaning against the wall, hands clutching the doorframe tightly.

"Is somebody there?" Zak called. "Did you just go through me? If you want me to leave, you're gonna have to try a lot harder than that!" He yelled. They stood in silence for a moment, Nick's heart beat loudly in his ears. "Do you like me in your house?" Zak taunted. "Do you want me to leave? Then _do_ something!" Both Zak and Nick's heads snapped behind them as they heard a door slam loudly down the hall.

"I think that was the other bedroom." Nick said, pointing his camera down the hall.

"Why don't you go check it out? I'm gonna stay here and see if I can communicate with it." Zak said in his usual on-camera tone. But Nick could tell he was nervous and he didn't want to leave him alone.

"I don't know, man. I think it's just trying to distract us...draw us away." Nick tried to reason.

"Which is exactly why I'm gonna stay here. But we need to document that what we heard was a door slamming." Zak said. And Nick knew he was right. The more evidence they gathered, the quicker they could put this house in their rearview mirror.

"Ok, I'll be right back." Nick relented. "Yell if you need me." Nick made his way in the direction of the slammed door. He was moving as quickly as he could but was careful to film into each room as he passed by for documentation if they needed it later. As he got to the other end of the hall, he immediately noticed the door had in fact closed. He took care to try and debunk it, pointing out to the camera that there were no open windows or breezes of any kind. He opened the door to see if it would slam on its own. As he stepped into the room, he felt an unmistakable presence. The kind that prickles the skin, raising hairs in their follicles. "Hello?" he said, pulling a digital recorder from his pocket. "Who's in here with me?...Did you slam this door?" He waited with baited breath as whatever was in the room with him seemed to grow in power. He couldn't explain it any other way. It was as if the presence was filling the room. Spreading out into all the corners; spilling into every nook and cranny and threatening to take Nick along for the ride. He wanted to leave the room. He wanted to run and grab Zak and drag him out of this house but he couldn't move. He knew this feeling. He knew what was about to happen and he fought it. He fought off the possession with everything he had. But this thing felt so powerful as it swirled around him, looking for a way in. He hoped by now Aaron and the guys would have noticed something wasn't right. He knew they couldn't feel what he was feeling, but they could see him. Soon they'd radio him to see what was wrong. Or maybe they already had. He wasn't sure. Everything was so...unclear. No. He had to stay focused. He was in charge of his own mind. He had to fight it. Suddenly it clicked. The guys could see him, but they could also hear him. He just had to will himself to say something. A warning for them to get Zak out of there. He opened his mouth, forcing his lips to form words. "Zak...GO!" He meant to scream it loud enough for everyone to hear, but by the time he got the words out of his mouth, they only registered just above a whisper. As the last word left his mouth, all the energy in the room compressed, forming a tight sphere of swirling force in the middle of the room. Nick's breath caught in his throat as every hair on his body stood on end. Then all at once, the massive orb blew through him, lifting him off his feet and sending his body crashing to the floor as it made its way out of the room and down the hall. Zak let out a blood-curdling scream before the door slammed shut. "Zak!" Nick yelled desperately. His blood ran cold as he forced himself up off the ground, sprinting toward the second bedroom where he had left Zak.

"Nick!" He heard Zak yell back. The sound was muffled by the closed door, but the fear in his voice was palpable. Nick got to the door, twisting the knob but the door wouldn't budge. "Nick!" Zak screamed again. Nick rammed the door, but it wouldn't move. He felt hot tears forming as his desperation grew.

"Zak, I'm right here! You have to unlock the door!" He yelled. But he had a sickening feeling that the lock wasn't the problem.

"Nick! Please help!" Zak yelled again and Nick began to worry that Zak couldn't hear him at all.

"You have to fight it, Zak! Fight it!" He yelled back hoping that he would somehow hear him through whatever torture the demon was putting him through. He continued to slam his body against the door, trying desperately to make his way to his partner. The tears were falling steadily now as he realized he wasn't getting through this door. Zak's cries for help tore at him in ways he never imagined. Anger washed over his whole body, radiating from his stomach and coursing through his veins. No. This is not how this is gonna go. He stepped back from the door, righting himself and letting the anger take over. "HEY! You listen to me, you son of a bitch! Get away from him, or so help me God, I will _end_ you. Why don't you come out here and finish what you started?! You wanted me... I'm right here. Come and get me!" And just like that, Zak stopped screaming. Nick held his breath, eyes going wide as he waited.

"Nick?" He heard weakly from the other side of the door.

"Zak!" he said, exhaling in relief and lunging for the door. It opened easily this time and Nick had to catch himself as he went barreling into the room. He ran over to the older man who was slumped against the wall, clearly exhausted from the whole ordeal. "Zak. Oh, thank God you're okay. You're okay, right? Let me look at you." he said, grabbing either side of his face to look him in his tear-stained eyes and then quickly scanning his body for any injuries.

"I'm okay." Zak said shakily. "Nick, where did it go?"

"I don't know." Nick said worriedly.

"We need to get out of here." Zak said, making his way to stand up.

"Ok. Take it easy." Nick said, steadying Zak as he shakily got to his feet. "Let's get you out of here." He said, leading Zak to the door. Suddenly he felt it. The air around him charged up with electricity, churning like the ocean before a storm. He barely had a moment to react. Quickly, he shoved Zak out of the way as the swirling mass slammed into him once again. This time, it picked his heels up off the ground, sliding him as his toes scraped against the floor, finally slamming him against the back wall.

"Nick!" Zak screamed as he watched in horror.

"Zak, get out of here!" Nick managed before the demon twisted his middle, squeezing all the air from his body. He heard screaming and he was pretty sure it was coming from his own mouth. He wanted to fight but he couldn't. Not with Zak in the room or anywhere nearby. The demon had let Zak go once, and he was damn sure there wouldn't be any second chances. His eyes searched for Zak, but he couldn't focus. His vision began to blur around the edges, slowly fading to black. There was no more air. It hurt...and then it didn't.


	4. Chapter 4

Nick sat up straight, gasping for breath. Sweat soaked the bedding and stuck to him as he shivered in the early morning light. He looked around the room trying to get his bearings as his breathing began to return to normal. He didn't recognize the room, but he could tell immediately that it was a hotel room. No Zak either. And no trace of him. The pillow on his side of the bed looked completely untouched with the covers still tucked tight under the mattress.

"Zak?" Nick called out. Maybe he was in the bathroom and just hadn't come to bed yet? But when did they even get here? Nick didn't remember checking in. He racked his brain, trying to remember where he was and why he was in this hotel room alone. But he was coming up empty - with the exception of the growing, unnerving feeling that something wasn't right. He needed to call Zak and find out what the hell was going on. He turned to the nightstand and found his phone and wallet. He picked up the phone, quickly scrolling through his contacts until he got to Zak's name. He couldn't help but smile as he was reminded that Zak had changed his last name in Nick's phone to Bae-gans months ago. Nick had rolled his eyes when he discovered it, but he had never changed it back. He waited as the phone rang, anxious to figure out what was going on, when he heard Zak pick up.

"Hello?" Zak said. But something was off about his voice.

"Zak, where are you? I woke up and you weren't here." Nick asked. There was a long pause and Nick could hear Zak breathing on the other end of the line.

"Nick, what do you want?" He finally answered back. The tone of his voice confused Nick. It felt much more cold and distant than he had expected.

"I woke up in this hotel room. I don't know where the hell I am... I can't remember anything. Where are you?" He asked, starting to panic about that sinking feeling he was having. There was another long silence and for a moment he wondered if the call had gotten disconnected.

"Are you drunk again?" Zak asked. And Nick could hear pain in his voice.

"What? No. At least, I don't think so." Nick felt confusion wash over him. "I'm really freaking out, babe. Will you please come get me?"

"You can't keep calling like this." Zak said seriously. "I'm sorry…" he added softly before Nick heard the line go dead. His head swirled as he tried to piece together what the hell had just happened. He closed his eyes, trying hard to recall anything from the past few days. He and Zak must have gotten in a fight about something, but he couldn't remember what. His head pounded as he tried to put it together. He rubbed his temples, frustrated with his lack of short-term memory. He needed to talk to Zak, figure out what was going on. But first, he had to figure out where the hell he was. He got up, noticing a hotel notepad on the desk across the room. Okay, so he was still in Vegas. That's good. But it didn't explain why he was sleeping on the strip instead of in his bed with his boyfriend. He sighed in defeat. He'd have to figure that out later. First, he needed his pants. He noticed his clothes draped over the chair next to the bed and quickly got dressed. He checked the room for anything that might jog his memory but found nothing. No luggage, no receipts, nothing. He grabbed his wallet and phone, stuffing them in his pants pockets before making his way to the hotel lobby.

"How can I help you today, sir?" The concierge asked brightly.

"Um...checking out, I guess." Nick said.

"No problem. If I can just have your key?"

"Oh. Right." Nick said, digging through his pockets and handing the card over. "You wouldn't happen to know if I valet parked a car?" The concierge smiled knowingly. Clearly this was not an unusual question on the strip.

"I'd be happy to check on that sir." He said, clicking away on his keyboard. "I'm not seeing a car on file for you. Would you like me to call you a cab?" Nick smiled, feeling embarrassed by the whole ordeal.

"That would be great. Thanks." he said.

The cab arrived 5 minutes later and Nick quickly gave the driver Zak's address. He closed his eyes, trying to calm his nerves and his pounding headache. He woke with a start to the driver clearing his throat. "Excuse me, sir but we're here."

"Sorry." Nick quickly apologized, pulling cash out of his wallet to pay the driver. He made his way up the driveway, anxious to talk to Zak. He fished around his pockets and pulled out his key ring. He flipped through the keys one by one, unable to find the one for Zak's house. "What the hell?" he mumbled to himself. He must have lost it. Zak was gonna be pissed about that. He hated having to change the locks. He exhaled sharply, reaching out and ringing the doorbell. He heard Gracie barking followed by Zak's shuffling footsteps coming toward the door.

"Calm down, Gracie. What's the matter with you?" He heard Zak mumble to his beloved dog. The door swung open and Zak's eyes went wide in surprise. "Nick…"

"Hey. Sorry, I think I lost my key." he said expecting a frustrated groan. Instead he was met with shocked silence.

"What are you doing here, Nick?" Zak asked and Nick couldn't help but notice the nervous glance over his shoulder and back into the house. "You have to go."

"What? Why?" Nick asked, confused, his headache returning. "Zak, please. I don't know what I did. I can't remember. But I'm so sorry that I upset you."

"Nick…" Zak started. His voice broke slightly as he let out a ragged breath. Nick could see that whatever had happened, whatever he had done, Zak was hurting. He took a step forward, resting a hand on the older man's cheek.

"Babe, what is it?" he asked softly. Zak closed his eyes, taking a deep breath before taking a half step back and out of Nick's reach.

"We talked about this." He said. His voice more stern now that he had collected himself. "You can't keep showing up at my door. You can't keep calling me and texting me. This has to stop." Nick's heart sunk in his chest. Zak was talking as if they weren't together anymore. As if they hadn't been for a while. But just the other day...at least he thought...but the memory was just out of reach and he couldn't quite get to it. Still, he knew somehow that it was happy. At least parts of it were. The parts that mattered. He felt his stomach turn as he tried to grasp what was happening now.

"What happened?" Nick asked weakly. He swallowed back the bile that was attempting to make an appearance.

"You really don't remember?" Zak asked sadly. "Nick, I wish you wouldn't drink so much."

"Zak, please. I'm going crazy. Just tell me what happened." Nick's heart drummed loud in his chest as he waited.

"We broke up, Nick!" Zak said, exasperated. "Okay? That's what happened." Zak crossed his arms over his chest, unable to make eye contact with the younger man.

"No… that's impossible." Nick said, swallowing the painful lump forming in his throat. "I love you." he said in earnest. The words seemed to cause Zak physical pain and Nick ached to reach out and touch him. But he thought better of it. Zak looked like a wounded animal on the verge of darting off. "Don't you love me?"

"Nick, please. I can't... " Zak started. But before he could finish his thought, the door swung open and Zak jumped in surprise as he was joined by a man that Nick didn't recognize. He was tall with broad shoulders, dark hair and chocolate brown eyes. He stared intensely at Nick as he took in the scene.

"Hello again, Nick." he said, unsurprised. "You gotta go, man."

"Who the hell is this?" Nick asked, looking at Zak incredulously.

"Come on, man. You can't keep doing this. Let me call you a cab." The man said.

"I don't want a fucking cab! I want to talk to my boyfriend!" Nick was losing his temper now. Who the hell was this guy and what was he doing in Zak's house?

"He's not your boyfriend anymore!" The man said, raising his voice and taking a step toward Nick. Nick's hands balled into fists at his sides. This guy may have had a couple inches on him, but Nick had no doubt that he could take him if need be. Zak's arm flew out, stopping the dark-haired man in his path.

"Dave, No! Go inside." Zak snapped.

"Yeah, _Dave_. Go inside." Nick snarked.

"Shut up, Nick. You're not helping." Zak said, pointing at him sternly before turning his attention back toward Dave. "Please, just go inside and give me a minute." Dave nodded his head, placing a reassuring hand on Zak's lower back before going back in the house. Nick's fingernails threatened to pierce through his skin as his fists balled up even tighter. This couldn't be happening.

"Please tell me that you two aren't…" Nick started, unable to make himself say the words.

"Me and Dave have been together for six months." Zak said calmly. "Nick, you knew that."

"Six months? I don't understand." Nick said sadly. Hot tears began to well up in his eyes.

"Nick, go home." Zak plead. "You just had too much to drink. Please just go home and sleep it off. It'll all make sense when you wake up." Zak said softly.

"I don't want this to make sense." Nick said feeling utterly defeated. "Can we please go somewhere and talk about this?" he asked desperately as the first tears spilled over.

"You know I can't." Zak said sadly. The pain in Nick's chest was unbearable. He knew they were at an impasse. Clearly whatever had happened between them was not going to be solved today. He knew he should respect Zak's wishes and leave, but he couldn't. Everything hurt at the thought of walking away.

"But I love you." Nick said. And it wasn't a statement, it was plea.

"I'm sorry." Zak said softly. He stepped back, closing the door slowly. "Goodbye, Nick."


	5. Chapter 5

Nick stood outside his house. It looked large and empty and uninviting. It definitely didn't feel like home anymore. After forcing himself to leave Zak's house, he had wandered around aimlessly before noticing his house key on the chain. He had moved into Zak's house months ago and had decided to sell his place. Apparently, he hadn't gotten around to it yet. He was thankful to have _somewhere_ to go, even if it wasn't where he really wanted to be. He took a deep breath, swallowing his sadness before slipping the key into the lock and opening the door. He was surprised to find how lived-in the house looked. There were clothes hanging over chairs, stacks of mail on the counter and half empty water bottles on the coffee table. How long had he been living here? He could have sworn he'd been living with Zak just the other day. His chest ached as he thought back to Zak's words. " _Me and Dave have been together for six months."_ Six months? Had they really been apart that long? Had he been living here, alone, all that time? He couldn't remember. His head swirled with confusion as he felt his airways constrict. A panic attack. He must be having a panic attack. He tried to calm himself, but his body trembled with sadness and it was getting harder and harder to breath. His vision was growing fuzzy and something about this was starting to feel so familiar...He was just about to put his finger on it when everything went black.

"Nick!"

Nick snapped awake at the sound of his name being called. He sat up, looking around wildly before realizing where he was. He'd made it about five steps into his house before passing out in the entryway. He rubbed at a painful lump on the side of his head. The sun was down. He'd been out for a while. He closed his eyes as the events of the day came screaming back. He couldn't help but wish the fall had knocked him out a while longer. Then at least he could be blissfully unaware of just how bad things had gotten. Suddenly, he remembered the voice that had woken him. "Hello?" he called out, a bit more hoarse than he'd expected. His throat was dry after who knows how many hours he spent passed out. "Zak?" he called hopefully. But even as he said it, he knew he was alone in the house. He must have just been dreaming the voice. He felt hot tears prickle at his eyes and he tried his best to keep them from spilling over. Falling apart wouldn't help him now. He stood up slowly, feeling dizzy and drained. He steadied himself as he made his way to the kitchen. Careful to hold on to the wall for support in case he needed it. As he stepped into the kitchen, he finally realized what Zak must have been talking about. The kitchen island was covered with assorted liquor bottles, mostly empty. No wonder he couldn't remember anything. There was enough alcohol here to give a small country a pretty good buzz. He'd definitely be having some of that later. But first he really needed water. He opened the refrigerator to find water bottles and not much else. He grabbed a bottle, chugging down most of it as he took in the scene. He felt like he was looking at someone else's life. This was not him; walking away from a man he has loved so deeply for so many years and drinking until he can't remember entire months of his life. None of this made sense. He shouldn't be here. He should be at home with Zak, cuddling on the couch and watching terrible television. Instead he was here and Zak was probably cuddling up to _Dave_. It hurt to think about, but Nick let himself wallow in the thought for a minute. He finished his water bottle and grabbed a half empty bottle of whiskey from the island. He took a large gulp as he made his way to the couch. If this is who he was now, he might as well embrace it.


	6. Chapter 6

_So this must be what death feels like_ , Nick thought as he regained consciousness. He sat up slowly, head pounding and stomach churning. The morning light was painful as it pierced through his corneas like fire. He still tasted everything. The whiskey he'd started the night off with, the vodka he moved on to when the whiskey ran dry and whatever concoction he had mixed together before he finally passed out. The combination of which was currently burning a hole in his stomach, and most likely his liver. Still, he'd successfully managed to get through the past however many hours in sweet unconsciousness. So that was something. He checked his phone - 11:30 a.m. He figured he'd probably passed out around 3 a.m. That was eight and a half hours of mind-numbing bliss. Yes, he was starting to understand the drinking habit he'd apparently picked up. The actual getting drunk part wasn't fun; lots of crying and just generally feeling hopeless. But once you push past that bit, there's a few quiet hours in it for you. He was surprised he hadn't dreamt about Zak. He actually didn't remember dreaming about anything which was very unusual. He'd always had extremely vivid dreams and could almost never leave his stress at the door when it was time for bed. After particularly difficult lockdowns, he'd often wake up in the middle of the night sweaty and shaking. Zak would be there, rubbing calming circles along his back as he brought him back to consciousness. God, he was gonna miss that. He already did. Before he could stop himself, he was doubled over, sobs reverberating through his body. He had lot Zak, that much he understood. And that alone was enough to ruin him. And yet he knew that he couldn't go on not knowing why he'd lost him. He sat up, taking deep, ragged breaths as he worked to calm himself. No matter what had happened between them, he deserved an explanation. And he was going to get it. And then he was going to get Zak back.

Nick looked at his phone for the hundredth time as he shrugged his shirt on. He felt significantly less nauseated after washing the alcohol stink from his pores. He looked in the mirror, noticing the puffiness under his bloodshot eyes. So he looked as good as he felt. It was just after noon. Zak was usually awake by noon, right? Nick knew he had to time this right. Catching Zak first thing in the morning wasn't going to get him very far. Zak was never more grumpy than when he had to deal with emotional problems in the morning. But by now, Nick figured he'd already been out for a walk with Gracie and he'd hopefully be feeling generous. He grabbed his phone opting for a text. Zak was more likely to read a text than to answer a call at this point. He hesitated, searching for the right thing to say before he began to type.

 _I took your advice and slept on it and I still don't remember anything. Can we please meet somewhere to talk? I promise I won't keep you long. I just want to understand what happened._

He took a deep breath and clicked send. He chewed on his bottom lip as he stared at the phone, waiting to see his message marked as read. It happened almost immediately. Zak was never very far from his phone. A new wave of anxiety hit as he waited for Zak to start typing. A minute passed and still nothing. Nick felt a wave of desperation wash over him. He _needed_ to talk to Zak. He needed to see him and be near him. He typed out another quick message.

 _Please?_

He held his breath, waiting for the ellipses to appear. He hoped that Zak wouldn't just ignore him. But if he did, Nick wasn't above calling and begging. He'd gladly show up on Zak's doorstep again if need be. He definitely wasn't worried about Dave. His leg bounced impatiently until he finally saw the little dots dance along the screen. He froze, waiting for the message to come through.

 _Fine._

Nick's fingers sprung into action before Zak could change his mind.

 _Thank you so much, Zak. Really. Want to meet at Chase Park? I can be there in 10 minutes._

Nick breathed a sigh of relief. He just needed to talk to Zak, reason with him. And maybe they could get this whole mess figured out. He hoped that he hadn't scared Zak off by mentioning Chase Park. It had been a favorite spot for them for a long time. So many nights when they couldn't sleep, they'd go for late night walks through the park. Just the two of them, hand in hand. Some of Nick's favorite memories happened with Zak in that park. His phone buzzed again and he looked at it nervously.

 _I'm already here._

Nick jumped up off the bed, frantically searching the room for two matching shoes. He was already there. _At their_ park. Nick couldn't help but hope that this was a sign.


	7. Chapter 7

Nick got to the park eight and a half minutes later. He knew exactly where Zak would be. They always ended up on the same bench. It overlooked a beautiful garden with a coy pond in the center. He made his way to the bench. Sure enough, Zak was there sitting with his back to Nick, facing the pond, Gracie at his side. Nick took his first real breath of air since this whole ordeal started. Just seeing Zak there was so comforting, so familiar. He wished for a quiet moment that they could freeze in time, just like this. He took a deep breath, making his way over. Gracie noticed him first, tail wagging, as she tugged at her leash begging to greet Nick.

"Gracie girl!" Nick said with a smile, making his way toward her. She jumped up excitedly, resting her paws on his stomach as he scratched her behind her ears just the way she liked. "You're such a good girl." he said before chancing a look at Zak who had stood up to face them. He had a soft smile on his face, but his eyes were distant and sad. Like he was looking at a memory. "Hi Zak." Nick said, snapping him back. "Thanks for meeting me here."

"I can't stay very long." Zak said quickly.

"Ok." Nick tried his best not to look too disappointed. "Can we sit?" Zak just nodded, taking a seat on the bench. Nick sat down next to him, as close as he dared. He could tell Zak noticed but he didn't care. If he only had a few minutes, he wanted to use them right. "I love this place."

"It's a nice spot for a walk." Zak said uncomfortably. Nick smiled softly to himself. Zak was rarely uncomfortable but somehow he always made it look so charming.

"I remember that one time a couple of summers ago, it was so hot. And we had decided to take a midnight walk. And by the time we got here we were both dripping buckets of sweat. I mean, I was about ready to pass out. And you were splashing some of the water from the pond on me, trying to cool me down…"

"And then your ass pushed me in! Yeah, I remember that." Zak said with a laugh.

"Hey, if I remember correctly, you pulled me in not long after." Nick said, smiling.

"You're damn right I did!" Nick couldn't help but notice how Zak's smile crinkled at the corners of his eyes.

"I guess I deserved it." Nick smiled back.

"You did." Zak said playfully. They settled into a comfortable silence, shoulders just grazing. "So. You had some questions for me?" Zak asked after a moment, remembering himself.

"Oh yeah." Nick said, sad to be pulled out of this moment of happiness. "It's like I told you, Zak. I woke up the other morning in a strange room. I have no idea how I got there or why. And I don't remember anything. I had no idea that we were…" he said, stopping short. He still couldn't bring himself to say it out loud. "And I don't know why. We were so happy, so in love. I don't understand how this could have happened?" He was working himself into a tizzy and he felt the anxiety bubbling up in his chest. His breathing quickened and he worried he was going to pass out again.

"Nick? Nick, are you okay?" Zak asked worriedly. It sounded muffled and distant, like he was being called from a dream. He felt a warm hand rubbing circles along his back. The familiar sensation calmed him almost immediately, bringing him back from the clouds. He rested his head in his hands as he regained his breathing.

"I'm sorry." he said quietly. "I'm just so confused. I don't know what I did. And now you're with Dave… and I don't know why." He looked Zak square in the eyes, searching for the answers to his questions. Zak looked back at him sadly. "Zak, I miss you." They looked at each other for a moment before Zak tore his eyes away, looking down at his hands.

"It happened about a year ago." he started quietly. "We were happy together, you're not wrong about that. But after a while, that wasn't enough anymore." Zak fidgeted with his rings, unable to lift his gaze. "We started fighting. All the time. And it was always about the same thing. I was tired of hiding. I begged you for months to consider telling people about our relationship. I couldn't handle the secrets anymore. And after a while, it felt more and more like you were ashamed of me; ashamed of us. And that hurt, Nick. Because I was never ashamed of you." He lifted his gaze to meet Nick's. The pain in his eyes was evident. "And then one night, I gave you an ultimatum. I just couldn't take it anymore. And I was sure that I meant enough to you. But I was wrong." Tears welled in Zak's eyes as he continued. "I waited. I waited for you for _six months._ And then I didn't want to wait anymore."

"Zak…" Nick felt like his chest was cracking open. This couldn't be right. They had told Aaron and Billy. He remembered that night; remembered the relief that washed over him as they kissed. And they had told their families too. He remembered they were shocked but happy and supportive. This wasn't right. "I'm so sorry." He placed a hand on Zak's knee, turning to face him. "I don't even know what to say because I can't… this doesn't sound right. I love you, Zak. You mean more to me than anything and given the choice, I would choose you a thousand times... Please, Zak. Just give me another chance and I promise I won't let you down."

"I can't, Nick. It's too late." Tears rolled down his cheeks as he spoke. "You're too late."

"Because of Dave?" Nick asked desperately, absorbing the fresh cracks in his heart. Zak just nodded silently in response. "Do you love him?" Nick asked, not wanting to hear the answer, but needing to know.

"Yes, I do." Zak said quietly. Nick finally understood what people meant when they talked about feeling knives in their chest. He wanted to die so that he wouldn't have to feel the pain of this moment a second longer.

"Do you still love me?" he asked weakly. Zak looked at him with sorrowful eyes. And suddenly, Nick couldn't help himself. He leaned in, grabbing Zak roughly by the nape of his neck. He crashed their lips together, kissing Zak with everything he had. Slowly, he felt hesitant lips move against his to deepen the kiss as salty tears found their way between their mouths.

"Zak?" A deep voice called from behind them. Zak jumped back, looking up to find Dave looking hurt and confused. "What the hell?"

"Dave! I'm so sorry...I didn't mean to." Zak protested, standing from the bench. Nick felt emptiness as Zak put space between them.

"What the fuck is your problem?" Dave yelled. The anger in his voice causing Nick to look up at him for the first time. "Why can't you see that you lost? You had your chance with him and you blew it. _You_ let him go. He's with me now. And you need to get used to it!" Nick jumped up off the bench, head high and chest puffed. He wasn't gonna let some asshole who had known Zak for _six months_ tell him what he needed.

"I'm never gonna stop. I will _never_ stop fighting for him! I love him. And I know that he loves me too. You're nothing but a place holder. You need to get used to that." Nick spat back angrily. And just like that, Dave lunged over the bench. Nick only had a second to think and he used it to push Zak to the side and out of the fray and then Dave was on him. Something about the whole exchange felt familiar. Nick felt a memory tugging at the back of his mind as he fought hard, punching and kicking as Dave pinned him to the ground. He was strong, but Nick got in more than a few good shots. He heard Zak yelling their names, begging them to stop. He tried to get between them, tearing at their arms, but a hard shove from Dave had him flying backward unto the ground. Anger took over as Nick launched his fist out. It made a cracking sound as it made contact with Dave's chin. He scrambled up, running over to Zak.

"Are you okay?" he asked, checking Zak for injuries.

"I'm fine, I'm fine. Just...you gotta get out of here." Zak said quickly.

"I'm not leaving you here with him _._ " Nick said, feeling his fists clench tightly.

"Nick, please. I'll be okay." Zak plead. But it was too late, Dave was on him again, shoving him to the ground. He felt the back of his head smack against the pavement as Dave got him pinned down again. He heard Zak yelling his name, begging Dave to stop, but his vision was starting to blur around the edges. And it was getting harder to breath as hands clasped tightly around his neck. And this was all so familiar and unsettling. He wanted to fight, but he couldn't. He was too dizzy and his body had nothing left to give. He closed his eyes, drifting off as Zak called his name again and again.


	8. Chapter 8

Quiet. It's so quiet in the darkness. He felt it as it swirled around him and through him until he was the darkness and the darkness was him. His mind was a cloud floating carelessly, unburdened and free. He was weightless, suspended in pitch black nothingness. There was nothing to lose and nothing to fear as he remained in the dark. As he _was_ the dark. At first he barely felt it at all. Just the smallest hint of warmth. And then it was gone, quickly returning to the quiet darkness he'd grown accustomed to. But this feeling was persistent, returning again and again and appearing to grow in strength as it spread across his being. And every time it faded away, he found himself hoping and waiting for it to return. Not knowing how to find it or how to make it stay. Until it was there again, reaching through the darkness, crawling through his veins until it reached his very middle. He tingled as the warmth ran over his extremities, defining him. Separating his body from the darkness. He was aware. He was aware of himself. He felt his fingers and his toes as he disconnected from the darkness. He felt longing as he ached to be one with the light. And then he heard it. It was soft and muffled at first. But he willed himself toward the sound, toward the warmth. He felt as though he was swimming under water, making his way toward the surface as he pushed on. He felt fingers in his hair, brushing it lightly as quiet whispers repeated his name like a prayer. Soft, warm lips grazed his face leaving tear drops behind them. Slowly, his eyes fluttered open. Zak's face lingered above his own, eyes closed as he lay kisses on the younger man's cheek. "Nick. Please wake up." he begged quietly. Nick was weak, but he willed his arm to move, touching Zak's cheek lightly. His eyes popped open immediately. Nick smiled softly as surprised eyes met his.

"Nick? Nick! Oh, thank God." Zak lunged forward, wrapping Nick up in his arms. "Thank you...thank you…" his chants were muffled against Nick's chest as he buried his face into him. Nick could feel the older man's body as it shook in some mixture of fear and relief. Nick wrapped his arms around Zak, kissing the top of his head as he held him tight.

"It's okay, Zak. I'm okay." he reassured him softly. He looked around the room, noticing for the first time that he was in the hospital. Machines beeped and buzzed around him as he held Zak's shaking body. "Everything's okay Zak." he lied. He wasn't sure what had happened. The last thing he remembered was Dave choking the life out of him. But it didn't feel like a real memory. There was something else floating in the back of his mind. Something darker, and it felt more real than he wanted to admit. Slowly, it began to come back to him in flashes. The house. The demon. The energy surging through his body and taking control. He felt himself begin to shake at the memory. Zak noticed, pulling back to take a look at him.

"Nick, are you okay? What's wrong?" he asked worriedly. Nick shook his head dismissively.

"Nothing. I was just...remembering." he said, breath evening out.

"I'm so sorry. It must have been awful." Zak said, pulling him close. "I never should have let you come with me. I should have made you stay back at base. I should have kept you safe."

"Hey," Nick said seriously. "this was not your fault. Do you hear me?"

"Yes it is!" Zak protested, pulling away to look Nick in the eyes. "It was my fault you were in the house. I provoked the damn thing and it went after you. Nick, it almost killed you! You were screaming and crying and I couldn't stop it. I couldn't get it to leave. And then you passed out and I thought I was losing you." His breath caught as tears streamed steadily down his face. "I begged you to stay with me but you couldn't hear me. You were completely catatonic. The paramedics didn't know what to do...I didn't know what to do. Nick, if I had lost you…"

"You didn't lose me. I'm right here. And I'm okay. I promise." Nick said, running his hands up and down Zak's arms as sobs rang through him.

"But if I had…" Zak said, fear evident in his eyes.

"I know." Nick said, fully understanding what it felt like to have lost the person he loved most in this world. He pulled Zak in, pressing their lips together hungrily.

They lay in bed that night, wrapped up tightly in each other's arms. The hospital bed was too small, but the need to be close won out in the end. Nick was exhausted as he lay there, but he knew sleep wouldn't come easy. He worried about where he might wake up if he let his eyes close. Zak lay awake on his chest, fingers brushing softly along his hospital gown. He had finally calmed down after hours of crying and begging Nick to forgive him for things that weren't his fault. Zak never handled guilt well, and he placed far more of it on himself than he deserved. But Nick just waited patiently, holding him and consoling him and telling him that he loved him. Eventually, Zak started to believe that he was forgiven for things for which Nick never would have blamed him. But if it calmed him, Nick could live with that.

"Nick?" Zak's voice was quiet in the dark.

"Yeah?" Nick said, running his hand along the older man's back.

"What was it like when you were possessed?" he asked shyly.

"Babe, you should try to get some sleep." Nick said, trying to divert the conversation.

"I can't sleep." he said. "Please. I have to know. Did it hurt? Were you scared?" Nick knew that Zak's mind must be running wild with all the possible scenarios of pain and torture. He thought it would be better to tell him the truth than to let his imagination run wild.

"Not in the way you might think." he started. "It was more emotionally painful than physically."

"What do you mean?" Zak asked.

"It was like I woke up in this alternate reality. I had no memory of what had happened. But we had broken up and you were in love with someone else. It was awful. I kept trying to get you back but I had broken your heart and you didn't want to be with me anymore." he said, unconsciously tightening his grip around Zak. The older man lifted his head, bringing his lips to Nick's and kissing him gently.

"I'm sorry. That sounds terrible." he said. Nick could see the guilt return to his eyes.

"It was. But it wasn't your fault, Zak. That demon just knew how to hit me where it would hurt most." He carded his hand through Zak's hair, giving him a reassuring smile. "But it wasn't real. Thank God for that." Zak nuzzled into Nick, kissing his neck before resting his head under the younger man's chin.

"I could never love anyone else. So you don't ever have to worry about that again." Zak said sincerely. "You're pretty much stuck with me whether you like it or not." Nick felt Zak smile against his skin. He laughed, shaking both their bodies as the sound reverberated through him.

"Fine by me." he said, kissing the top of Zak's head and settling in for some much needed sleep.


End file.
